A quick, random writing of sitting down and typing whatever comes to mind…we’ll see how it goes.

My inspiration for life comes not from this world. Yes, it’s some from the things that I love.  And some from the people that I love. However, it comes from deep within. Traces of the One true love. Passions, desires, drives, past failures, future loves, the promise of greater things, all of which are inclings of my true self. Inspiration is born out of yearnings, longings. And how I yearn and long for those things that are buried deep within my heart. Daily my heart breaks over these as I realize how frail they all are. Yet they are my inspirations and they drive me forward in the hopes that one day these frailties will strengthen and come to fruition. Until then though, they will remain my inspirations. Buried in the depths. Driving, pushing, pursuading, guiding. Love. The kind of love that lingers. The kind of love that when it’s told no, refuses to go away. The kind of love that clings to hope. The kind of love I hold on to. The kind of love that attempts to cripple you if you allow it. Inspired by my love, I will be guided by my true inspirations and wait upon my Inspiration for the path. The path that comes not from a love for people. The path that comes not from a love of things. The path that comes from another world. The path of my Inspiration.

So a quick random thought for all of you comes from the saying, “Home is where the heart is”. God has recently showed me how true this is. Normally this thought is associated with the house that you grew up in, friends and family, or wherever you feel truly comfortable. I have come to realize that while these things are great and amazing they are not where my heart is. My heart is in Christ. He is my King. He is the Ruler of my life. Jesus holds the key to my life and my heart. The day that I first trusted Him, He gave me a new home…in Him. It is because of this that I have come to realize that my home is where God is leading me. For most of my life that home has been in Ohio. Circleville for most of my life and Otterbein for the past 2 years. This summer, home has been Lake Tahoe. As I have struggled, wrestled, and learned to rely more on God this summer, I have come to understand that my future is secure because wherever I end up I’m confident that God will guide me to the home that he wants me to be at. As Proverbs 16:9 says, “In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps”. Because of this I am able to place ALL of my trust in my dear Savior who has given me a heart to help guide me and the Holy Spirit will take me home from here. Praise God!

This is the BEST worship song I have heard in a long time. It’s by a guy named Chris Quilala who is part of The Jesus Culture. If you have never heard this song just youtube it. It’s worth your time. It truly is amazing.

Verse 1:
Nothing can separate
Even if I ran away
Your love never fails

I know I still make mistakes, but
You have new mercy for me everyday
Your love never fails

Chorus:
You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There may be pain in the night
But joy comes in the morning
And when the oceans rage
I don’t have to be afraid
Because I know that you love me
And your love never fails

Verse 2:
The wind is strong and the water’s deep, but
I’m not alone here in these open seas
Cause your love never fails

The chasm was far too wide
I never thought I’d reach the other side
But your love never fails

Bridge: You make all things, work together for my good

God I’m yours. I’m sorry for holding on. I’m sorry!!!! I see the dark side of life. I don’t want that fate. My life is yours. It’s yours. I’m sick of holding on. Don’t let me have the same fate. Everything is yours. I forsake it all! It’s all worth nothing to me. Save me! I’ll wait as long or as short as you want. I’ll go as far or stay as close as you want. I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll be as rich or as poor as you want. It all means nothing to me. My life means nothing without you. My life is worthless apart from the only one who gives life. Real life. Real love. True Love. Love that lasts. Love that never gives up, never gives out, never lets go!!! I surrender! Let my life of selfishness be over. I give it all up for you. Take it! I DON’T WANT IT ANYMORE!!!!

You knew that I couldn’t be perfect.

You knew that on my own I’m not worthy of your presence.

You knew that you loved me.

You knew that you wanted me.

You knew that something had to be done.

You knew that there was only one permanent solution.

You knew that He must die.

You knew that He had to be beaten nearly to death.

You knew that He had to be humiliated.

You knew that He had to hang on a cross.

You knew that He had to do it for me.

You knew.

Thank you.

- A segment from my journal entry last night

Okay, so here is my first attempt at blogging. I’ve been trying really hard to write something amazing and profound that will be deep and impact everyone that reads it. As I have been in the process of writing this though, I find myself getting lost amidst the words, trying to perfect every last detail like it is a final paper and my grade depends on it. It’s because of this that I decided it was time to scrap this and just write. It’s how I do most of my papers anyway and it turns out alright…sure there are grammatical errors, so what? This just feels more real too. As J Bar and I agreed last quarter, it’s time to LIVE, or better known to me as DOING life. So with that said I want to invite you to live with me here on this blog.

Life is going well right now. I’m currently in Lake Tahoe for the next seven and a half weeks. Lucky I know! Tahoe is easily the most beautiful place that I have ever seen! I could try to describe it but it’s probably best just to show you.

This was my first glimpse of Lake Tahoe

Pope Beach (right half and day) – a 10 minute walk from where I am staying

Pope Beach (left half and night)- this is also the closest beach

Emerald Bay- One of the most beautiful areas of Lake Tahoe. A 10 minute drive. I just took this from Google…I haven’t had a chance to take any good pictures here yet. I thought I would show you though because it’s my favorite areas so far.

You would think that life would be easy here and that I would be having a great summer but that is not necessarily the case yet. Now don’t get me wrong, this summer is going to be great but it is now just beginning to reach great status. Throwing myself all the way across the country provided some challenges that I really didn’t expect. The first would definitely be homesickness. I’d been so excited about project that I just figured I’d leave good ol’ Ohio for warm and sunny Cali for the greatest summer of my life. I didn’t count on missing my friends and family back home as much as I actually have though. I think a lot of it is psychological, just knowing that everyone is like 2,000 miles away, but being away has made me realize even more how much everyone really means to me and how much I love all of you. Another challenge was definitely the time change. Even though I picked up 3 hours, it threw me off for a few days. A third thing was simply being out of my comfort zone. I kind of forgot that when I am not comfortable I have a tendency to just mellow out and not be nearly as outgoing. The final thing throwing me off is the lack of a job. Almost two weeks of searching, over 30 applications, 3 cities, and still no job. Only half of us (40/80) have jobs at the moment. McDonalds isn’t even hiring and the Coldstone that said they were going to hire just went out of business. You know the economy is bad when the only Coldstone within an hour goes out of business! Once I get a job and can actually relax I’m sure my summer will really start to become the great summer I know it’s going to be.

With all of that said, God has definitely been very good out here in Tahoe despite everything. After about two weeks out here I am not nearly as homesick, have adjusted to the time change, am comfortable with everyone, and am making some really cool friends. It has been wonderful not having to worry about school work, RA work, or OCF and just being able to concentrate on my relationship with God. It’s truly amazing spending some real quality time with God. So far God has really been working on getting me to trust Him more. Going into this summer my major prayer for my life was to simply get direction. I make it sounds so easy in that last sentence though. Simply is one of the biggest understatements I could make in regards to prayer for direction. I go crazy on the inside not really having any direction because it means that I cannot begin to work toward that next step in my life. This is probably where God wants me though because it means exactly what I said, that I cannot work. I have to trust God to take the lead. This is extremely uncomfortable though. Yet another place where God probably wants me because my discomfort makes me rely more on him too.

And this is where I currently am. Waiting for direction, yet somehow finding a greater trust in God. In the midst of my snow globe life, I have come to find God leading me through the chaos of life. While I still cannot see, I am slowly but surely learning to trust God more and He is providing me with more peace and patience. While I still am not even close to perfect in my trust with Him, and have a tendency to try to take my life back into my own hands from time to time, I am growing, being stretched, and ever so slowly stepping into the life that God has planned for me and becoming the person that God wants me to be. It’ll be interesting seeing where God takes life this summer. No doubt though it will be amazing wherever He decides to take it.